Recent adventures have brought rewards: insight, release, revision, and restart. I am rethinking who I want to be and how best to get there. Which raises the question: what or where exactly is “there”? For sake of conversation, let’s assume that “there” is the place where we will feel better or be happier than where we are right now. Big leap, side step, a hop and a skip…however near or far it feels, some of us spend a lot of our time with this search.
Bhudda: Ink drawing on rice paper and first wash. The gray looking areas are of melted wax applied to resist color. I will paint wax over any area I want to preserve before moving on to a new color.
As humans, we are busy doing human things, bumping up against people and events along the way. We process our encounters unconsciously and bend and swerve reflexively around them. For those seeking clarity, these encounters can offer greater insight or answers. For example, an increased understanding or compassion for others or for ourselves, a welcome change in direction, or a resolution to a question or a concern we’ve been fretting over. If we are willing, we have constant opportunities to evolve - to relax, to choose happy, to allow, to let go, and to trust.
My favorite definition for today’s title reads: “What you got when you didn’t get what you really wanted.” That definition encapsulates my life at this point: Not exactly what I had been hoping to receive but exactly what I had been asking for (from a deeper level).
I have wrinkled the paper and applied my “batik” color wash which is then covered with one final coat of melted wax. (I had intended to show you more layered color passes but got so lost in the fun of the project that I forgot!)
These moments remind me to pay attention. I’ve discovered for myself that what I’ve been truly wanting often comes in disguised and maybe mildly unpleasant ways. I’ve come to trust these camouflaged moments and my opening sentence encapsulates this.
Question: Does it make sense to continue chasing “there” when where we are right this minute holds so much promise? Do you find yourself spending a lot of energy in getting “there” instead of having more fun along the way? Why is “there” more important than living fully now? (Why do I feel the need to continue putting quotation marks around the word “there?” Is that as annoying as the person who does it repeatedly using those little finger movements?)
Buddha: I ironed off the batik layer of wax to reveal this end result. I never know what I’ll end up with. But, guaranteed, it will be a good experience - ha!
Basically, we are all works in progress. I feel best doing these two things: 1) asking myself what it is I really want and 2) taking steps in that direction. Both can be challenging, especially when those steps follow a meandering path and my mind starts fretting about how others do things and what will they think of how I am.
It’s rewarding to release something (like a not so healthy habit or a closed-off mindset) that no longer works for me. The resulting surge of energy is thrilling and the improved viewpoint, inspiring. Of note is understanding that, in order to receive this energy, I sometimes must move through some not so fun stuff. More often than not, I now am able to appreciate and even enjoy this, as I know how good I will soon feel because of it.
I love this piece, too…a stone temple in a bamboo garden. (Hey, Monica - recognize this?! Thanks, again!)
I will leave you with this: “You cannot apply linear methods to a circular endeavor. Creativity for some people may not be straight-lined, but it is methodical.” Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way”. For me this means to stop judging or analyzing and continue following my inner guidance.
How about you?