Again, I am pulled in a new direction.  My path has always been a loopy one with the zigs and zags not always making sense.  When I am centered, I appreciate this, acknowledging how right it is for me.  Like the “I Did It My Way” lyrics:  Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong, I’ll do it my way.  I’m better at trusting what my way is, caring less about explaining it.  Still, I can be confused or disoriented, my Inner Critic wanting me to stay in line, to settle down, to blend.  When facing a choice, I can feel conflicted, but just until I remember, “Oh, yeah…I asked for this!”

I talk to myself a lot: “You wanted more from your life, Judy, so here it is.  This discomfort is the means.  You’re ok here.  Nothing is wrong, old stuff is simply shifting to make room for the new.  You’ll figure it out as you move forward, you always do.”  This can help if I let it.  So can getting outdoors, having fun with friends, and basically doing anything to distract myself in my worst not-trusting moments.  Bottom line, whether I worry about it or not, things always work out pretty well for me.  I believe this is true for everyone.

These two hair ornaments are for my sister Jean (top) and my sis-in-law Connie.  Niece Marti wanted us to make flowers for our hair to wear to her weddings using a piece of fabric from her gown and I made these with the Kanzashi method (kinda like origami with fabric).

I think we invite change every time we come to a conclusion about our lives.  I’m a big fan of change; it almost always brings better rewards than I could ever think to ask for.  My latest?  How would my life be if I embraced my full potential?  I want to be open to all of the opportunities around me.  I’ve determined I must create a vacuum for them and, to do that, I must drop all the “givens” - the ways I’ve defined myself, the labels that provide a sense of self-worth and a means of explanation.  Saying "This is who I am” protects me from close scrutiny.

What’s underneath that long-used safety shield?  A softy, an easy target, and a too-willing chameleon for those who cannot relate to my head-in-the-clouds-flit-from-this-to-that-Pollyanna-just-wanna-have-fun self.  In the midst of this, I still say, “Bring it on.”   

My sister Jean came for a short visit recently and, knowing how ready I was to make any kind of forward movement, suggested we repaint my living room accent wall.  I chose a lovely Periwinkle blue.  I.  Love. This.  Color.  It calms and inspires me.  It makes me want to immerse myself in something - anything! - creative.  It is in my creative/ studio area and I smile every time I walk in the door.     

This is the how’s-it-all-gonna-work-out? phase - the creative start phase where the game is to gather a lot of things to see what works.  I have a number of other photos of stuff that didn’t and will show those in another post along with the hair ornament I made for myself.  Here you see the first flower petals and the pattern for a little decorative “hat” called a fascinator.  There are hundreds of styles and it was a total blast making up my own as I went along.  Marti’s totem is a hummingbird and I thought I could use the charm somehow.

The old color?  The one I’d lived with for 15 years?  Orange.  On a basic color wheel, orange and blue are exact opposites.  Uh-huh.  You get where this is going.

Translated into action, this means that, in about 4 hours, my sister and I ripped through my comfort zone.  It was as if we couldn’t cover up the “old me” color fast enough.  We congratulated each other.  She left.  And two days later, I had a total meltdown.  Fascinated, I wondered:  “Who is this person, falling apart because she painted her wall a different color?”   “Man Up!” I said to myself.  Repeatedly.

Finally, these thoughts surfaced:  “Oh, yeah.  I’m good.  I’m still in control.  I was the one who wanted this. I wanted a new identity and this is all part of that process.  Okay.  What would make me feel better right now?”

In this stage, I have glued and sewn the satin cloth and binding to the fascinator base and have glued on the petals.  I tried a number of petal placements before deciding on this one.  The hummingbird charm stands ready.

“Help!”, I sobbed to Jean over the phone.  She reassured me this happens to everyone she helps in her re-design business.  She suggested replacing my red accents with blue ones.  She reminded me to reinforce my new color identity by painting my bedroom that dark yummy blue we both liked and by finding blue-toned bath towels.  (In order for you to get the full picture, you need to know that my space is small and that each room can be seen from the entry so visual harmony matters.)

Her understanding and advice helped.  Time with the “new me” wall color has helped.  Learning to be comfortable in the shifting of who I think I am has helped.  Meanwhile, by releasing my self-imposed demands associated with the label of ‘’Artist,” I’ve allowed other very fun creative endeavors to take front stage.  The photos you see are part of this work in progress.

So, here are the end results for Marti’s fascinator and her flower hair ornament for her Virginia wedding.  No hummingbird charm for the fascinator as this thing in person really says a lot!  Did I mention she’s putting this show on the road?  Smaller one is for Virginia and maybe Napa with the bling baby for Vegas.  Uh huh.  You’ll get to see the other design ideas in my next post.  Crazy fun to be sure.

Change brings change brings change.  In my saner moments, I welcome the unknown.  When I need to lighten up, I think of my favorite “Shakespeare In Love” movie quote: “But how will it all turn out?” Shakespeare asks.  The reply:  “I don’t know…it’s a mystery!”

Stay tuned…

Judy

P.S.  I’ll be out of the studio for the month of May.  Hey!  Check out my new paintings on the Website!